In Search Of My Roots

September 19, 2014
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Listen while you read: "I Am Not Skilled To Understand"1 (Lyrics)

Psalm 139:13-15a – For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. (NIV)

My childhood was difficult and excruciatingly painful, to put it mildly. My older siblings often taunted me by saying that I didn't belong in their family. My mother confirmed this by telling me that the father of me and my younger brother was not the same person that she was married to, but she wouldn't say who. This brother drowned as a teen, so I grew up alone, not knowing just who my father was, while my siblings refused to give any information. Without any resolution of my parentage, it was especially problematic for me, medically.

In March, 1988, I was on my way home on a cold, wintry day to commit suicide, when the world stopped around me. No traffic came down that busy street, and I stood frozen to the ground as Jesus tried to talk me out of killing myself. As a result of that encounter with Jesus, I became a child of God.

After I was saved, Psalm 139 comforted me when I realized that God doesn't make junk, and that despite my not knowing my parentage, He knew me "in my mother's womb" as I was "made in the secret place". In his 1963 book, The miracle of dialogue, the author, Reuel L. Howe, describes how, when we refer to God as our Father, it is innate in us to inter-relate the term to our own earthly fathers. Over time, I came to understand just how blessed I was not to know an earthly father, for in God, I now had a perfect Father, the only Father I would ever need. He is a Father Who will never leave us nor forsake us.

Hebrews 13:5b – God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (NIV)

Prayer: Father God, in the name of Your Son Jesus, thank You for being the only Father we will ever need, the kind of Father we wish we could have had. Help us to accept that our earthly fathers are both fallible and mortal. Thank You for Your promise of eternity with You in heaven. Amen.

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About the author:

Evonne Isaak
Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

1 Comment

  • PresbyCan Feedback says:

    Wonderful testimony Evonne.

    Well written Evonne. Thanks for sharing.

    Welcome! Thank you for your story and praise Jesus for your renewed life!!

    Thank you so much! God does speak to us when we are in our most desperate of times. God bless you for writing.

    Thanks for sharing your story with us today. How blessed we are to have the perfect Father in our heavenly Father. May He bless you always.

    Beautiful words and faith.

    Dear Evonne,
    I really enjoy your devotional “In Search Of My Roots”.
    Thank you.

    Thank you for this meditation. May the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Father of us all continue to be with you.

    Thank you for sharing your story and experience with us through this devotional, Evonne. I’m sorry you had such a difficult childhood; though it is wonderful that you have been able to come to a place of acceptance through your love of God and continued faith and trust in Him.

    Thank you for this devotion this morning. It gave me goosebumps. I recently attended the National Suicide Prevention session so the fact that you have the courage to share your story is pretty special. May God continue to bless you and keep you. Thanks for your devotion this morning.

    We love the same verses, for very different reasons. I am so glad that God was able to reach you and that you do know His love, that surpasses all understanding. May God the Father continue to speak to your heart, soul and mind. Blessings.

    Dear Evonne,
    Thank you for sharing your story. God is the best Father we could ever have. I’m so glad that you became a child of God and could finally have the reassurance of His love for you. Thanks for writing.
    (California USA)

    Evonne, thank you for your words. I cannot imagine how painful your childhood was, but, thankfully, God gave you inner knowledge and strength to not give up.
    Your strength is still very apparent from reading your devotional. You are brave, and strong, and loved by God and by His people.

    Thank you for sharing your testimony here.
    Psalm 139 is one of my favorite passages. It continues to amaze me that God was there in my mother’s womb and, at that time, my parents weren’t believers!
    He loves us!
    God bless you.

    Dear Evonne:
    Human families can be a disappointment, but thankfully our heavenly father is more than anything we could ask or expect.
    I grew up knowing our mother didn’t want us, especially me, the girl. She left one day and Dad remarried to a jealous lady who certainly wanted my brother and I gone. We both ran away to our real moms at 16, big mistake. Like you, we have some-one who does want us and cares for us. My brother was killed almost 30 years ago.
    Bless you, I’m glad you know how special you are.

    Thank you, Evonne, for your wonderful, powerful message! That was the same verse that was in my meditation booklet this morning.
    God be praised for His deliverance of you and your acceptance so totally of His love.

    A friend of ours was always told he had a different father than his siblings. Then he found out that their father was an alcoholic and not a Christian but his father never drank alcohol and was a Christian. The two men were very different.

    Good Morning
    I wondered how you have put forth the past events of your life. Your hope in Jesus is very refreshing.
    I rejoice with you in His tender mercies.

    Thanks be to God that you are under our Father God’s care. Due to circumstances in life many of us were in similar position like you but through good mentors, Christian and Educational, we have found our faith and a Father image in our Heavenly Father.

    God Bless you.

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