1 Kings 19:4-5a – But [Elijah] himself went a day's journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, "It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers." And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. (ESV)
I fell flat into an emotional abyss — a depression — for a day or so. I emerged by grace and through the intercession of others, for which I give thanks.
This is a representation of the turmoil that went on:
- Lord, I am hurting. All my hope seems to have temporarily evaporated; not even the thought of a smidgeon of hope is left. Why have You not done what was promised, which I expected and hoped for?
Son, I know that you are upset. However, I have not changed. My love for You is still as constant now as it was before, and this bond cannot be broken by anyone. I can still be trusted, if you are willing.
What about all those promises that gave me a false hope? I did my best; I placed all my faith in the hope of a promise that was said to be from You. Nothing happened!
I know that too. Sadly, some of those who follow Me have a lot to learn about the consequences of their actions and My will, as do you, too. It's okay, son; I forgive them.
What? You forgive them? What about the fact that I am the one who has fallen flat on my face?
I forgive them, and son, I want you to do the same.
But I am mad, good and proper.
Do not worry, son, you will not fall apart just yet. By forgiving them, you let Me forgive you. You will have to let go of all that wilful, hurt pride. Do you love Me enough?
I do, but it is not clear-cut.
Ah, I know. Only live in My presence and seek My righteousness, and it will be clear.
Cleanse my heart, Lord, that I may be free from sin.
Prayer: Lord, here we are, battered and bruised, feeling rather sheepish again. Lord, it is easy to become focused on comfort, safety, and status. We have allowed a deception, or a half-truth, or a desire, to become our priority instead of Your love. Please cleanse us, so that we can honestly say that we love You more than the other stuff that hangs about in the world and in our minds like tar pits. We ask it in the power of Jesus. Amen.
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