Search Me, O God

Monday, August 13, 2001

1 Corinthians 11:11-12 – In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. (NIV)

Over the years, I have been the chief cook and bottle washer. I cleaned, cooked, did the laundry, cut the grass, did the gardening, shovelled snow in winter, looked after the children. You name it; I did it — even painted and wallpapered all by myself. Why? One, I liked doing it; two, no one could do it to suit me.

Just of late my husband was in hospital for two weeks and when the neighbours found out, they asked if there was anything they could do? One gentleman said, "I know you can cook and you drive the car, so I suppose there isn't anything I can do, but if there is please let me know."

Well, I didn't need any help, not physically; but I did need some spiritual uplifting, and I did seek this out.

One night, though, I awoke, and when I turned over I was so dizzy I had to reach out for the side of the bed to hold on. When I awoke in the morning, I had intended to go somewhere that involved driving, and because my husband was doing something else, I wouldn't ask him to drive me, so I decided to stay put.

When he was gone, I lay and thought about what it might be like if my independence were suddenly taken away. I also thought, "Why couldn't my husband even cut the grass for me?" It was my fault. I used to cut it a certain way; you would think I was cutting a ball diamond. It had to be done just so or it wasn't right.

I began to wonder what the Lord thinks of me. Do I do things to suit Him? When I pray; for example, I come to Him and say, "Thanks, Lord, for everything." I pray for those on my prayer list, and then, rather coldly, once more say, "Thanks. Amen." And off I go. Where is that kinship, the wonder, the fellowship and love that should be present when I come with awe into the presence of my Lord, who is almighty, omnipotent? Does He look at me and say, "Anne, you aren't doing this right and you don't please me at all"?

I know I have to change in many ways. I have taken a long time to realize that one can be too independent.

How does this measure up with you?

Psalm 139:23-24 – Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (NIV)

Prayer: Heavenly Father, You have given us a will. Help us to use it to be more like the way You would have us to be. Take away any selfish and stubborn ambition within. Teach us to be more dependent on You and to be interdependent with others. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

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Anne Russell <>
Brampton, Ontario, Canada

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