Monday, June 11, 2001

Psalm 143:8 – Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. (NIV)

Things did not work out with my first marriage. I suppose we grew up and the process changed us.

It is strange to recognize that God forgave me, long before I forgave myself, or before I was able to trust Him to repair my lost self-esteem. God felt a million miles away as I hung on by my fingernails, slowly slipping down the greasy slope into the abyss.

Thankfully, during this time I was surrounded by a group of God's angels, some human, who threw me a life-line. Very soon, perhaps too soon, I found someone in this group to walk with me. She was gentle but strong inside. One day a cloud arrived as I grasped at, and held, the relationship tightly and I decided that I never wanted to let her go.

In my mind I saw her clutched in my hand. I remembered the plight of flowers, clutched in the hand, that die, out of reach of sustenance. In contrast, flowers that grow free, even when they die away, have unseen resources to come back to blossom again next year.

I had not given this new relationship into the Creator's hands. I knew inside He wanted me to sort it out. I was miserable. The trouble was that, after my broken marriage, my trust in all things personal had taken a severe knock, and I was too scared of losing her to take the risk. To my shame I fought and resisted for some weeks before I relented.

Having finally fulfilled this obligation to God, I soon wondered if she would have me back. I am glad that eventually she said, "Yes". Things were then different. The cloud had gone. God breathed new life into this relationship. We are now happily married, and have been for over seven years.

Proverbs 3:5 – Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. (NIV)

Prayer: Father, in times of weakness and oppression strengthen us, so that we may be more able to follow You. In our day ahead, grant us wisdom to see the need in those who travel alongside us, and Your grace to take You with us as we walk in step with them. Amen.

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Rod Marshall <>
Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, England

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