In yesterday's devotional, I wrote about our granddaughter and the growth of her tumour, and explained the treatment she will have to undergo. Yesterday I talked positively and in strength. Today I will share something of the struggle I had in reaching that strength, through hope.
Each time I have brought myself to pray for her, it was as though I couldn't say what I would like to say. This has bothered me, to no end. When I have retired into an attitude of prayer, I would love to have prayed for the tumour to disappear. I kept thinking of the passage: "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed … nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20) I wasn't doubting my faith, I was asking why I couldn't bring myself to pray, "God take away the growth from Jessica; I don't want her to have to undergo chemotherapy. I would love to spare her all of this." Yet I couldn't — and can't — seem to say it — for this would be my will.
Rather, to simply say, "I will turn all over to God and His will be done," is the way it should be.
In prayer, I was in trouble. I would waken in the middle of the night and I try again to go to God in prayer, with the same result. Oh, I can pray for God's mercy to be upon her and her parents. I can ask for God's strength to be upon us and for Him to comfort us.
In myself, I know, through God's love, His will is to be done.
I have struggled with this for the best part of two weeks. God has spoken to me, though, through his word:
Romans 8:18,26-28 – I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (NIV)
After reading this scripture, I knew God has a plan and it is good. It is good for all of us to know when we come to God in prayer, God knows the pain and suffering we are going through and His Spirit does intercede for us.
I pray my sharing will help someone else who has a problem similar to the one I have been going through. Now we can try, once again, to see through that glass darkly and live in the hope of the name of the Lord.
Prayer: God, Your will be done. Help us who believe that we may have the hope that is in Your name. Amen.