Forgive Me, Lord

Jeremiah 31:3 – The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness." (NIV)

While standing by my kitchen sink one morning, God walked by.

It was 8:00 a.m., and in just a few moments I would be heading out the door. Car pool! My baby, three other children and I were due to head off to the nearby elementary school. But things weren't going so well. The kitchen, hardly ever tidy anymore, was worse for the fact that I had neglected to clean well after dinner the night before. Crumbs crunched underfoot. I realized, in that moment, that I was too tired to sweep up one more crumb.

This led me to think of surrender. There is no surrender like that of the first pain of labour in childbirth. Nowhere to run, one settles in to wait and see what will be accomplished. A newborn!

So, as I stood there at the sink that morning, I could have resorted to anger and snapped at the kids to diffuse my own frustrations. I shudder to think how many times I have rationalized that. "Well," I've said, "It keeps me from bottling things up," or "They understand I'm not really mad at them."

This time, though, I slumped my shoulders and hung my head towards the suds and dishes and said, "Lord, I cannot do anything. I am just too tired." In that same moment I said to myself, "I will not let Satan have this victory. He is a defeated foe."

Instantly, I heard a sound in my heart like a dozen "'Atta girl!"s. "Well done, well done!" I heard. And then the peace flowed down, around and through me, like a balm.

It startled and shamed me to realize how immature a Christian I still am. I just had a lesson in "Surrender 101", again.

Prayer: O, Lord, we never meant to do all those awful things — yelling at the kids, kicking the dog, whatever. Only help each one of us to learn to walk more like you. Amen.