Thursday, May 28, 1998

Matthew 7:7-8 – Ask, and it shall be given unto you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

I was living in Monterey, California, USA, at the time, 2,000 miles away from the man I loved. The phone rang late one night, waking me up. It was Randy! The minute I heard his voice I was instantly awake. My stomach went on a roller coaster ride and I had to keep myself from laughing out loud. Oh Randy! It was wonderful to hear the voice I knew so well. I loved its gentleness and smoothness, the slow ambling of his words. I could picture him on the battered old rocking recliner that dips in the middle, the one he called his "thinking chair." He'd probably just come in from swimming. I wished I could see him, just touch him. But I was so glad to be talking to him. It was thrilling to know that he had been thinking about me; the phone call proved it!

We chit-chatted for a while and then he said the words that I knew he would say, "I miss you!" Oh yes! He misses me! "I love you!" Even better, he loves me. Me! I'm the one. He loves me. Out of all the women in the world, I'm the one he loves. Happy day!

He had told me before that he loved me and missed me. But how I needed to hear it again. Something inside of me just sang whenever I heard those magic words.

We talked for a long time. Then he started talking about our life together. What did I think about getting married in the fall? Should it be in Hawaii or California? Should it be outdoors or in? Should it be formal or casual?

"Wait a minute," I thought to myself. Hold on there, Bucko. I wanted to be his bride more than anything. I loved it that he was thinking about us sharing our lives. But he never proposed. He never popped the question. He never asked! He knew I would say yes, but I wanted to be asked. I wanted to have and to keep that marriage proposal as a precious fragrance in my cerebral memory box. It was important to me that he risked putting his heart on the line, that he was willing to give me a choice. I didn't like it that he made the assumption that I was already part of his life. I wanted to be invited.

Finally, as he talked on about wedding plans, he asked, "So what do you think about it, Bug? Should we get married in Hawaii?"

I paused for a moment (for dramatic effect, of course), and answered, "Maybe one of these days I'll get asked."

Big silence.

"Oh," was all he said. It was one of the most telling "Oh's" I've ever heard.

More silence.

Then he changed the subject. I knew he understood.

Weeks later I got my proposal. I was happy and I said "yes".

When I think about my relationship with the Lord, I think about how often I tell Him all my plans. I tell Him how I think we should do this or that. I go on and on about my ideas about things. I'm so excited to know that we are committed to each other. I'm so grateful that He loves me! I'm delighted that He wants to share my life. Then I remember that phone call with Randy. "Oh."

Have I really invited the Lord in? Have I put my heart on the line? Have I risked anything? Or am I assuming that He is just along for the ride? Have I allowed Him to be Lord?

Long ago I invited the Lord into my life, but not into all my decisions. Sometimes I'm not even aware of how I make plans and schemes, assuming that they are in keeping with God's will. I need to invite Him in to everything. Even more, I need to let Him do the planning.


Prayer: Jesus, thank you for loving me before I ever loved you. Thank you for choosing me as one of your own. Please help me to remember to put you first, to seek you out and to ask you about everything. I love you and I need you today and always. Amen.

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Kathleen Ageton <>
Wailuku, Hawaii, USA

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